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A DOG FANCIER’S GUIDE TO SHAKESPEARE
(With apologies to The Immortal Bard)

"To be or not to be, that is the question."
(Shall we breed this season?)

"Double, double toil and trouble, Fire burn and cauldron bubble"
(Ringside gossip)

"Methought I heard a voice cry, ‘Sleep no more . . .’"
(Bitch in season in same house with active stud)

"What fools these mortals be"
(They just bought their third show prospect!)

"Out, out damned spot!"
(They are housebreaking the third dog...)

"What light through yonder window breaks?"
(Up all night whelping)

"Much ado about nothing"
(False pregnancy)

"Assume a virtue if you have it not."
(Be a good loser.)

"Play such fantastic tricks before high heaven as make the angels weep"
(On seeing some especially clever handling)

"Small curs are not regarded when they grin"
(Unless they have a big-name handler)

"Nor let the rain of heaven wet this place."
(The prayer of all outdoor show chairpersons)

"He hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard."
(Cairn Terrier)

"Like a fountain with an hundred spouts"
(Male dog going for walk)

"A double blessing is a double grace."
(Best of Breed AND a Group placement!)

"I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England."
(Sentiment of the inveterate dog-show enthusiast)

"Young gentlemen, your spirits are too bold for your years."
(Class of terrier puppies)

"Your father is at Westminster."
(But your mother wasn't show quality.)

"Obedience; for so work the honey-bees, Creatures that by a rule in nature teach the act of order."
(A good definition!)

"And I do wish your honours may increase."
(Best-In-Show next time!)