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Welcome to the Utopia Veterinary Hospital automated telephone system.  Please listen carefully to the following options:

Press 01 to schedule an appt for your pet.

Press 02 to have your pet seen immediately.

Press 03 to speak directly to the veterinarian.

Press 04 to obtain the veterinarians home number.

Press 05 to tell a receptionist or technician your life history, as well as your pet’s.

Press 06 to yell at a receptionist or technician.

Press 07 to yell at the veterinarian.

Press 08 to disagree with the veterinarian’s diagnosis or treatment plan because you read something different on the internet.

Press 09 if you feel your pet’s condition is more important then the emergency patient the vet is
currently seeing.

Press 10 if your pet’s condition has persisted 6 months but has suddenly become an emergency and needs to be seen ASAP because you are going on holiday tomorrow.

Press 11 if your pet hasn't eaten in 10 days and you have only now become concerned.

Press 12 if you are angry because you declined all treatments and your pet is now deteriorating rapidly.

Press 13 to determine if your pet’s condition is serious enough to be seen immediately.  If it is after midnight, our team of experts will be standing by to debate the issue with you for as long as it takes to agree it can wait until tomorrow.

Press 14 to demand immediate treatment but would like us to hold your check until next month.

Press 15 if you need to bring in 10 unvaccinated puppies with vomiting and diarrhea and you'll only have $10 in your pocket.

Press 16 if you plan to arrive at our surgery facility in a new jaguar but can only pay for routine
vaccinations at $5.00 a month.

Press 17 if you still consider the cat you've owned for 10 years a stray because now it is sick.

Press 18 if you are not a client but were referred by a friend and you want to call the vet at home in the early am as she is trying to get ready for work and get her kid ready for school so you can talk about your pet who has been seen by another vet but is not getting better and you want to set up an appt for a second opinion but first you want to know how much an exam will cost.

Press 19 if your reptilian pet has been living in a small tank in a cold dark room and has not eaten for 60 days, despite you having offered it several types of chocolates and crisps.

Press 20 if your pet has removed its bandage because you took off the E-collar, even though we explicitly instructed you to leave it on.

Press 21 if your unspayed 10 year old dog has been in labor for over 2 days (when you suddenly realized she is pregnant) and you now suspect something is wrong.

Press 22 if your "Rockwilder got the mange."