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By Dick Johnson, Jodi Boxers

THE ABC'S OF ABC

In our insatiable lust for speed, we Americans have fallen into the alphabet trap. While we aren't quite as bad as the Brits, ( I recall listening to a couple of our British friends carry on a ten minute conversation without once using a word of English), we have allowed this grammatical shorthand to dominate our language. The world of dogdom has certainly not been spared. The problem is that these acronyms don't always mean the same thing to all people. I will cite a few examples:

BIS -- You would undoubtably interpret this to mean "Best In Show." Not so fast Bunky. To a losing competitor, it means "Bought It Somehow."

BOB -- You’d say "Best Of Breed." No way, Jose’. In some quarters, this means "Bring Out the Booze." Again, to losing entrants, it describes the actions of the judge in making his selection -- "Bent Over Backwards."

BOS -- "Best Of Opposite Sex." Think again, Louie. It really means "Better Off Somewherelse."

BOW -- "Best Of Winners"? I don't think so. To the losers, it means "Based On What?"

WD,WB -- "Winners Dog and Bitch"? Probably, but how about "Wrong Dog," etc.

RWD, RWB -- "Reserve Winners Dog and Bitch"? You'd think so, but in some minds, it describes the judge's life style and competence: "Right Wing Dilettante" and "Running With the Blind."

ABC -- To state the obvious, this means American Boxer Club to us all. In some quarters, however, this means "Always Bitter Conflict." In other circles, it means "Affenpinscher Beauty Contest" and to still others, it means "After the Blood Coagulates." After all is said and done, however, it's our club right or wrong, love it or leave it. (Did I really say that?) See RWD above.

Enough on the alphabet soup debate. We should also keep in mind that not just acronyms cause confusion in our attempts to communicate. There are many generic terms that cause consternation. One that comes to mind is the term "strip mall." Man, did that one get me in real trouble a while back... But that's another story for a much later date.

Well, that's my contribution to the effort to keep Virginia from being the greatest unread publisher since Gideon. Remember the white Boxer referendum. Vote early and often and always remember, DFTF (Don't Forget To Flush).